How to Be Funny

Humor is the lifeblood of human existence.  It is what separates us from animals.  In ancient times, the court jester is indeed looked upon as the highest honor a person could receive from the King. 

Recently an article at msn gave 9 tips for being funny.  While the list was ingenious, we feel that there are more tips that can help a person be funny.

- Puns.  Everybody loves a pun.  In fact, puns will garner the best guffaws when at a party.  The pun-giver marks himself as witty and intelligent.  The key to effectively giving a pun is, while saying your sentence, pause a half second, then emphasize the pun.  For example, a bank manager without anyone around may find himself a (slight pause) lone. If your friend is a baseball player and he isn't able to successfully flirt with a young lady, tell him he really (pause) struck out. 

- Repeat the Joke.  Sometimes, our jokes are so good that they will go over people's heads.  If this is the case, it is important to re-tell the punchline or even the joke.  But be careful, you should repeat the joke at a maximum of seven times before you give up.  Any more than that and you will appear desperate.

- Speak Funnily.  Perhaps there is nothing funnier than someone who speaks with a funny accent or misuses the english language with bad grammar or made-up words.  Want to impress your co-workers?  Start talking with a Gollum voice and call everything your "precious."   No more eating lunch in your car!

- Misuse the Word "Literally"  Most people literally understand how to use literally and when to use metaphorically.  So, the elicit the best reaction from people, walk into a room and tell everyone that the anguish as a kid over your parent's divorce was literally tearing you apart.

- Use Time-tested Jokes.  Some jokes are funny and have been funny for a long time. Priest/Rabbi jokes for example.  Knock knock jokes are another example.  Absolute comedy gold is The Aristocrats.

- Inappropriate Jokes. Jokes are meant to catch us off guard.  Humor comes from the unexpected.  So, if you're at work, church, or someplace serious, tell a dirty joke, use the "n" word, cuss, fart.  While this may initially shock, soon everyone will be roaring with laughter.  Why do you think Dane Cook is so popular?  His jokes aren't witty; his jokes are offensive!  One more tip: ethnic jokes are ALWAYS funny.

- Be Odd.  If there's one thing that isn't funny it's normalcy.  If you want to be funny you need to stick out.  Find a strange little quirk or annoying tick.  This will help distinguish you from all the "normies."  Plus it will give you the reputation you want.

- Sarcasm.  The next time your wife asks you if you would like a slice of cake, respond "no, I'd rather sit here and watch you eat a piece."  She'll be in stitches! 

- Insults.  Sarcasm's fraternal twin is insult.  Insults, such as "yo' momma" jokes kill (literally) at parties.  Call your boss "Fruity McDorkson" and he'll be sure to give you a raise. 

- Say the Opposite of the Truth.  "I love spaghetti."  See, it's funny because I don't really love spaghetti, I actually hate it.  I was at a party once and a really good friend of ours announced to everyone that he was coming out "gay."  We all paused for a second and then started laughing, realizing our folly. He had such dedication to the joke that he feigned sadness and left the party.

- Quote Funny Movies.  If you haven't seen a funny movie, go rent any of the "Ace Ventura" movies or anything by Larry the Cable Guy.  Make "All righty then" your new catchphrase.  When you walk into a room, everyone will beg you to say it!  When your girlfriend is talking to you, interrupt her with "bumblebee tuna" or "git 'er done." 

- If All Else Fails, Smash a Watermelon.  'nuff said.